"Oh, Bub, look at this sandwich!" I exclaim. "Doesn't this look good? The cheese is all ooey-gooey! I have to get a picture of this!"
Four photos later, I take my first bite. "Oh, this is delicious! Look, it has pickles on it too, like a real Cuban!" After a brief discussion of what comprises a "real" Cuban sandwich, I announce emphatically, "Well, whatever it is, it's good!"
Tip: Don't eat the ham. It might sound good. It might look good. But don't do it.
We finish our meal and continue our trek down 23rd, heading in the direction of the Malecón. As we walk, I begin to feel tired and warm, but, it being a warm, muggy day, I attribute these symptoms to the weather, and to the fact that we've already walked several miles since we left our AirBNB that morning.
Tip: As in many countries, don't drink the water. This includes ice cubes.
Twenty minutes later, we arrive at our temporary home. I immediately kick off my shoes and strip down, as I now feel like I am burning from the inside out. As quickly as possible, I run to the toilet to vomit, losing my entire lunch in one sweep.
I clean myself up and walk back to the bedroom, feeling much better. "Wow, I needed that. I think I'll be okay now. Is it cold in here?" I throw on my pajamas and crawl into bed, covering myself with the blankets. By now, I am simultaneously sweating and freezing. Then I'm on fire again, and my stomach is doing gymnastics. Back to the restroom.
Over the course of the next twelve hours I repeat this procedure sixteen times. Every joint in my body aches. Every square inch of my skin hurts. Every trip to the toilet leaves me more thirsty than before. Every sip of bottled water sends me immediately back to the toilet. "Do not pass go. Do not collect $200."
Forty hours later, having watched a number of episodes of Dora the Explorer and The Twilight Zone, I finally emerge from my cave into the sunlight to renew my attempt to see the lovely sites of Havana.
Have you experienced a case of food poisoning while traveling? Tell us about it so we can commiserate!